Monday, 19 November 2007

Stroppy Mare

How is it that I only seem to have 2 states of existence? I am either all at peace with the world, adore OH and everything about him, miss him madly when he goes off to work and want to be with him forever, or I feel absolutely mental, can't stand him and wonder how I am going to get through the next hour with him let alone the next year. I do feel sorry for him having to put up with such a capricious old haridan, but sometimes he really does drive me mental.

Mind you, when I look back at why he has driven me mental it is often over stupid things. For example we have a room downstairs that is just about finished being renovated. The floor has been sanded and varnished and we could actually use it now. For about a year I have been thinking of using it as a lounge (it is bigger than our existing lounge), we could get another sofa (we have 2 2-seaters at present). In my mind I have moved furniture in and around that room, I have pictured it at Christmas with a lovely decorated tree with because the room is bigger, would not be in the way of one of the sofas. Our current living room is cosy but small and the furniture cannot be moved around at all. The TV is too high for me to watch comfortably and I am just getting fed up with it all.

So I suggested moving into the other room, and OH wanted to know why and questioned everything I said, pointed out every negative all of which sounded to me like 'no, we are not doing it because I like it like this'. So I went mental. I pointed out all his faults, how I thought the marriage was over, what was the point of going on - you get the idea. Looking back maybe it was a slight over reaction. My problem is that I bottle things up until I am at breaking point, I have always done this since I was a kid. If only I could explain how I feel calmly, and he could listen instead of laughing at me things might be better. I'll end this post now as I am feeling irritable just thinking about it all, and the poor bloke hasn't even been here all day!!


Breezy said...

Men! Try using the tactic that Laslo accuses me of. Keep asking the same question till you get the answer you want. "What do you think we should do with this room?" ignore their reply if it's not the one you want and ask again (and again) till they give in. Alternatively say the word and I'll be round there to help you shift stuff and we'll have a fait accompli as us French folks say!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

I agree with Breezy - sensible advice. I would also say the most powerful word you can use is WHY? Whenever I get a response that I either don't like or I think someone is being obtuse for the sake of it I repeat the question why until they run out of silly excuses that are illogical and annoying. They in time come to realise that they have been moody about something or they just haven't seen things from another perspective - mine! Ha!

Life is too short to sit with a crook neck trying to watch a telly that's too high!

Listen I understand about the absolute loathing you can have one minute and the total love the next for your OH.

The silliest things would make me want to choke my husband - even breathing near me was a no no at times. It is very confusing as I am not a nasty person but the menopause brought in a new personality that would have been shot had I been married to a lesser man than my husband.

I know you are young yet but you might like to get yourself checked to see if you are peri-menipausal just in case. Diet can help tremendously when you become pre-menstrual each month. Unrefined carbs are just about the worst things you can have around that time as they are turned into high levels of insulin that create massive mood swings. If you can eat wholemeal bread instead of white, swap potatoes for salad or couscous, same with white rice then you will find that you are much much calmer around that time.

Have a shot at it. I am amazed at the difference it makes.

Debra in France said...

Hi Breezy, I think you should be the village agony aunt - thanks for the advice, I will give it a go.

Hi MOB, I use 'why' alot, but I think I could use it more! The answer I generally get is 'just do it and I'll explain why later'.

Thank you for the info about changing diets to help with mood swings. I only eat wholemeal and granary breads, but I am the potato queen of France (good Irish heritage). I will definitly try cutting down on them.

I am so relieved to hear that I am not the only to have mood swings. On the surface everyone else looks so calm, never argues etc, and I am boiling beneath the surface. Thanks for your comments I feel alot calmer. xxxx

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Well, granary bread is great and a good way of getting complex carbs in the old system. But.....POTATOES! Yup they will do it every time. The worst to eat is mashed or baked and these are my two most favourite types of tattie! I allow myself some every now and again and it is sheer nectar just savouring the taste with BUTTER! God I am salivating now, fat pig that I am.

Basmati rice is a good thing to eat instead of mashed and baked tatties and couscous is good too as a substitute. But as you only get moody around your pre-menstrual time all you would have to do is to avoid spuds during that week and see how things go.

The rest of the time you can indulge intil your hearts desire and if you feel tense or irritable at times, just give the unrefined carbs a knock on the head and even after a day you will feel much lighter in mood.

The theory is that the more processed a carb is then the easier and quicker it is for your system to break it down into calories. This sends your insulin levels sky high thus causing big mood swings as you eventually come crashing down to earth with a bang and get mighty grumpy. Then it's nagsville big time - well for me it is!

Anything with sugar in it too is a big no no so if you could stay away from that for the week too you will find a huge difference.

Have a shot and see how it goes for you. And see, he came round and you get that fabulous room for Christmas. He was probably just digging his heels in because you get grumpy with him - my hubbie does the same.

Debra in France said...

Hi MOB, I love baked and roast spuds the best. I will make a note to avoid them and sweet things at certain times of the month. I will try enything to stop me feeling so mental. What is the difference between refined and un-refined carbs?

I think you were spot on with your last comment as well. You are a wise MOB! Thank you. xx

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