How is it that I only seem to have 2 states of existence? I am either all at peace with the world, adore OH and everything about him, miss him madly when he goes off to work and want to be with him forever, or I feel absolutely mental, can't stand him and wonder how I am going to get through the next hour with him let alone the next year. I do feel sorry for him having to put up with such a capricious old haridan, but sometimes he really does drive me mental.
Mind you, when I look back at why he has driven me mental it is often over stupid things. For example we have a room downstairs that is just about finished being renovated. The floor has been sanded and varnished and we could actually use it now. For about a year I have been thinking of using it as a lounge (it is bigger than our existing lounge), we could get another sofa (we have 2 2-seaters at present). In my mind I have moved furniture in and around that room, I have pictured it at Christmas with a lovely decorated tree with because the room is bigger, would not be in the way of one of the sofas. Our current living room is cosy but small and the furniture cannot be moved around at all. The TV is too high for me to watch comfortably and I am just getting fed up with it all.
So I suggested moving into the other room, and OH wanted to know why and questioned everything I said, pointed out every negative all of which sounded to me like 'no, we are not doing it because I like it like this'. So I went mental. I pointed out all his faults, how I thought the marriage was over, what was the point of going on - you get the idea. Looking back maybe it was a slight over reaction. My problem is that I bottle things up until I am at breaking point, I have always done this since I was a kid. If only I could explain how I feel calmly, and he could listen instead of laughing at me things might be better. I'll end this post now as I am feeling irritable just thinking about it all, and the poor bloke hasn't even been here all day!!