Hi everyone. I just want to say a huge thank you for all your lovely messages and good wishes. I am feeling so much better now. I feel a bit of a fraud for being so down earlier in the week. I had been ill over the weekend and you know how that can magnify everything that happens into a major disaster. Having said that, I felt so bad when I blogged that I couldn't even bring myself to answer the phone when it rang. I did go out and do some gardening, well mowing the grass, and I have treated myself to some really pretty gladioli bulbs. Funny, I would have never bought them in the UK, but they have sych stunning varieties here that I can't resist them.
It didn't help that after I had responded to dnd's comments I couldn't connect to the internet at all, and couldn't even email anyone!! I am not very computer minded, and short of taking a hammer to the modem had no idea what to do.
I was going to write down everything that had wound me up, but when I actually looked at it all, they seemed so trivial that I sounded pathetic for moaning about it! It was just a combination of loads of small things, that became a big thing, that avalanched into a mega thing.
I just want you to know that I REALLY appreciated all your words, postive thoughts and virtual hugs, thank you Hazel for phoning and I have calmed down, feel happier and am not going to disappear with Misty into the sunset. You are all wonderful xxxxxx
Showing posts with label moods. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moods. Show all posts
Friday, 4 April 2008
Tuesday, 1 April 2008
Very down - sorry
Thank you for all your lovely comments lately. I am sorry that I haven't blogged in ages. The last 2 weeks have been so busy I just haven't found the time to sit in front of the computer. Even though we have 2 computers, we only have an internet connection for one at a time and as OH lives on the computer, unless I get up v.early I don't get a chance.
Also, I haven't been in the right frame of mind to write anything. I am feeling really down lately and really don't want to bring everyone else down with me. You know when you just feel alone and that no matter what you do it is wrong, that you look out for everyone else and no one looks out for you, that if you try and say anything it gets twisted and thrown back at you, and when you feel like you do everything and nothing is appreciated - well, this is me at the moment.
I don't know where I want to be, or who I want to be with, apart from Misty. Maybe I just need to make some hard decisions about my future.
I'll leave it there, as I could rant on for ages and don't want to bore anyone or bring anyone down. I hope that my head will be back together soon and I can be my 'normal' self again. I have been having bouts of depression since my early 20's and I know that I will snap out of it soon. Love you all xxxxx
Also, I haven't been in the right frame of mind to write anything. I am feeling really down lately and really don't want to bring everyone else down with me. You know when you just feel alone and that no matter what you do it is wrong, that you look out for everyone else and no one looks out for you, that if you try and say anything it gets twisted and thrown back at you, and when you feel like you do everything and nothing is appreciated - well, this is me at the moment.
I don't know where I want to be, or who I want to be with, apart from Misty. Maybe I just need to make some hard decisions about my future.
I'll leave it there, as I could rant on for ages and don't want to bore anyone or bring anyone down. I hope that my head will be back together soon and I can be my 'normal' self again. I have been having bouts of depression since my early 20's and I know that I will snap out of it soon. Love you all xxxxx
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Psycho Wife and Cuffbert
I feel I know you all well enough now to introduce you to Psycho Wife and Cuffbert.
These are 2 people that we don't really like staying in our house, but they often drop in un-announced. Currently they are sunning themselves in Acapulco, where Psycho Wife is trying to push poor Cuffbert off a high cliff!
Who are these people and where do they they come from? How often do they visit and will they visit you?
Well Psycho Wife is the name I give myself when I am having a major strop, or when I am feeling kind enough during a pre-strop to give OH advance warning that a major strop is brewing. I only have to say something daft like 'is that Psycho Wife coming down the road?' and he knows to walk away biting his tongue.
Cuffbert is OH's alter ego. He had a tendency to give me (to often for my taste) a 'cuff' round the head. This got changed into 'I'll give you a cuffbert if you don't pack it in'. Hence Cuffbert was born. Cuffbert pays visits when Psycho wife appears, when OH is tipsy or drink and all points in between, and generally whenever he feels like turning up.
They are not bad people, just a bit misunderstood and in wifeys case, very unwelcome as she does live up to her name!
These are 2 people that we don't really like staying in our house, but they often drop in un-announced. Currently they are sunning themselves in Acapulco, where Psycho Wife is trying to push poor Cuffbert off a high cliff!
Who are these people and where do they they come from? How often do they visit and will they visit you?
Well Psycho Wife is the name I give myself when I am having a major strop, or when I am feeling kind enough during a pre-strop to give OH advance warning that a major strop is brewing. I only have to say something daft like 'is that Psycho Wife coming down the road?' and he knows to walk away biting his tongue.
Cuffbert is OH's alter ego. He had a tendency to give me (to often for my taste) a 'cuff' round the head. This got changed into 'I'll give you a cuffbert if you don't pack it in'. Hence Cuffbert was born. Cuffbert pays visits when Psycho wife appears, when OH is tipsy or drink and all points in between, and generally whenever he feels like turning up.
They are not bad people, just a bit misunderstood and in wifeys case, very unwelcome as she does live up to her name!
Monday, 19 November 2007
Stroppy Mare
How is it that I only seem to have 2 states of existence? I am either all at peace with the world, adore OH and everything about him, miss him madly when he goes off to work and want to be with him forever, or I feel absolutely mental, can't stand him and wonder how I am going to get through the next hour with him let alone the next year. I do feel sorry for him having to put up with such a capricious old haridan, but sometimes he really does drive me mental.
Mind you, when I look back at why he has driven me mental it is often over stupid things. For example we have a room downstairs that is just about finished being renovated. The floor has been sanded and varnished and we could actually use it now. For about a year I have been thinking of using it as a lounge (it is bigger than our existing lounge), we could get another sofa (we have 2 2-seaters at present). In my mind I have moved furniture in and around that room, I have pictured it at Christmas with a lovely decorated tree with because the room is bigger, would not be in the way of one of the sofas. Our current living room is cosy but small and the furniture cannot be moved around at all. The TV is too high for me to watch comfortably and I am just getting fed up with it all.
So I suggested moving into the other room, and OH wanted to know why and questioned everything I said, pointed out every negative all of which sounded to me like 'no, we are not doing it because I like it like this'. So I went mental. I pointed out all his faults, how I thought the marriage was over, what was the point of going on - you get the idea. Looking back maybe it was a slight over reaction. My problem is that I bottle things up until I am at breaking point, I have always done this since I was a kid. If only I could explain how I feel calmly, and he could listen instead of laughing at me things might be better. I'll end this post now as I am feeling irritable just thinking about it all, and the poor bloke hasn't even been here all day!!
Mind you, when I look back at why he has driven me mental it is often over stupid things. For example we have a room downstairs that is just about finished being renovated. The floor has been sanded and varnished and we could actually use it now. For about a year I have been thinking of using it as a lounge (it is bigger than our existing lounge), we could get another sofa (we have 2 2-seaters at present). In my mind I have moved furniture in and around that room, I have pictured it at Christmas with a lovely decorated tree with because the room is bigger, would not be in the way of one of the sofas. Our current living room is cosy but small and the furniture cannot be moved around at all. The TV is too high for me to watch comfortably and I am just getting fed up with it all.
So I suggested moving into the other room, and OH wanted to know why and questioned everything I said, pointed out every negative all of which sounded to me like 'no, we are not doing it because I like it like this'. So I went mental. I pointed out all his faults, how I thought the marriage was over, what was the point of going on - you get the idea. Looking back maybe it was a slight over reaction. My problem is that I bottle things up until I am at breaking point, I have always done this since I was a kid. If only I could explain how I feel calmly, and he could listen instead of laughing at me things might be better. I'll end this post now as I am feeling irritable just thinking about it all, and the poor bloke hasn't even been here all day!!
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