John, my father-in-law sent me this. I thought it was hilarious and very true. Hope you like it.
Excerpts from a Dogs Diary...
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Sunday, 18 May 2008
Friday, 18 April 2008
Friday, 4 April 2008
7 things about me
Hey, now I've got the internet connection back and a free day, there's no stopping me. I was tagged ages ago by Woolyworks so here goes:
1. I would love to be abducted by aliens. I definately believe in aliens, but refuse to believe that a species with the technology to travel to other worlds would do so only to carry out experiments.
2. I once lived with a sound engineer to the band Motorhead. Boy, they were crazy days!
3. My phobias are slugs and mould - how pathetic! Neither of them are likely to ever catch me if I ran away from them, but I absolutely detest them! Slugs love salt, they go all fizzy!
4. I have been veggie since I was a kid, when I found out where my roast lamb dinner had come from. Mum always said that I was never keen on it as a young child anyway, and although I did try meat again when I was about 20, I have never missed it and love being veggie.
5. I love the smell of laundry when it has been dried on the line on a sunny day. So if you catch me sniffing OH's underwear on the way back up the garden you'll know why!!
6. I am impatient. I want that internet page to download NOW! No, too slow keep clicking and bugger up the computer! When I type my brain is flying ahead of my fingers and I end up missing most of the words.
7. Although I love science fiction and science fact, I am also a country girl at heart. I love wandering down the garden to feed the chickens and growing my own veg in my red gingham dress with frilly petticoat! I used to dream of being Maureen O'Hara in the film the Quiet Man, OH would say I am there as she has a temper to match mine! Now, how can I combine the 2 genres? Perhaps a garden on a space station, anti-grav chickens and a red gingham space suit?!
1. I would love to be abducted by aliens. I definately believe in aliens, but refuse to believe that a species with the technology to travel to other worlds would do so only to carry out experiments.
2. I once lived with a sound engineer to the band Motorhead. Boy, they were crazy days!
3. My phobias are slugs and mould - how pathetic! Neither of them are likely to ever catch me if I ran away from them, but I absolutely detest them! Slugs love salt, they go all fizzy!
4. I have been veggie since I was a kid, when I found out where my roast lamb dinner had come from. Mum always said that I was never keen on it as a young child anyway, and although I did try meat again when I was about 20, I have never missed it and love being veggie.
5. I love the smell of laundry when it has been dried on the line on a sunny day. So if you catch me sniffing OH's underwear on the way back up the garden you'll know why!!
6. I am impatient. I want that internet page to download NOW! No, too slow keep clicking and bugger up the computer! When I type my brain is flying ahead of my fingers and I end up missing most of the words.
7. Although I love science fiction and science fact, I am also a country girl at heart. I love wandering down the garden to feed the chickens and growing my own veg in my red gingham dress with frilly petticoat! I used to dream of being Maureen O'Hara in the film the Quiet Man, OH would say I am there as she has a temper to match mine! Now, how can I combine the 2 genres? Perhaps a garden on a space station, anti-grav chickens and a red gingham space suit?!
Wanted to share this with you
My father in law sent me this, and with my mood swings lately, I loved it!
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling & getting hurt. Instead they take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when in fact they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way up the tree.
Now men……..men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling & getting hurt. Instead they take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when in fact they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way up the tree.
Now men……..men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Sunday, 2 March 2008
Cat joke
This is the joke I sent to Breezy, I just had to share it with all you cat people out there.
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with usevery day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it isdifficult for us to remember how much you love us."
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you andwho will be a reflection of my love for you,
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged histail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.
"And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my lovefor you, his name will be DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said,"Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen likepeacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeedtaught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations,
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes,they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved..
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with usevery day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it isdifficult for us to remember how much you love us."
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you andwho will be a reflection of my love for you,
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged histail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.
"And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my lovefor you, his name will be DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said,"Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen likepeacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeedtaught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations,
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes,they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved..
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.
Sunday, 24 February 2008
Spookily accurate
You Are Bare Feet |
 You are a true free spirit, and you can't be tied down. Even wearing shoes can be a little too constraining for you at times! You are very comfortable in your own skin. You are one of the most real people around. You don't have anything to hide. Open and accepting, you are willing to discuss or entertain almost any topic. You are a very tolerant person. You are accepting and not judgmental. You should live: Somewhere warm You should work: At your own business, where you can set the rules |
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